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about

Track 4/7

I wrote these lyrics right after an ‘illegalized’ friend ‘K’ confided in me about having been raped by his ‘friends’. He comes from a muslim community and a very homophobic country. There were two guys from the same country that found out that ‘K’ was gay and told him that he’s not worth of shaking their hand if he’s gay, that he’s not a human being, but a second sort ‘animal’ who people can use when they need to. They proceeded with humiliating him until it became physical and in the end both of them raped him, calling this ‘correctional rape’. The way he told the story made me feel like I was there, beside him, watching all of this happen and being completely helpless and idle in stopping any of it. This is also how I feel when I think of his ‘friends’. Helpless and hopeless in understanding the events of one’s life leading up to becoming such an utterly emotionless, evil and fucked up troll of a human being. Why would you want to humiliate someone to the point where a fellow human being sees no self-worth and feels nothing but numbness? And how do you take it upon yourself to decide that you can physically use someone? To scar someone emotionally as well as physically and wake up the next morning and go on with your everyday activities? I have no answers to these questions and I don’t know who to give blame for these types of events. Hearing similar stories carries me away to a dark place where anger takes over my whole body and I want revenge on everyone who ever left these types of emotional and physical scars on others.

lyrics

Beyond interpretation
Unable to designate
The moment you made my confusion
Turn into self-hate.

You used me to get off
And when my lips move to spell rape
I disconnect from my body,
All of my insides ache.

Put me into my place
Told me what I deserve
Showed me how I should be treated,
Called me a pervert.

I bought it all, I submit.
You were violent and cold.
All the pain you inflicted,
Yet I took it all.

That moment I thought I would die
No, I was already dead
You killed something inside me
I never knew I had.

How can I regain my confidence
When you mixed it with dirt?
And what about this numbness?
It becomes so overt.

When you held me submitted
When it made you so horny
What went through your mind
What was in your heart?
Do you have a heart?
Or are you an amputy?
Just like you made me

credits

from Split 12" w/ Monday Suicide, released May 24, 2014

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Landverraad Netherlands

Some angry persons making fast music, ride bikes, drive vans & burn flags!

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